


Some Thoughts On Lorelai

by lone_lilly



Category: Gilmore Girls
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-06-24
Updated: 2005-06-24
Packaged: 2017-10-24 08:02:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,174
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/260965
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lone_lilly/pseuds/lone_lilly





	Some Thoughts On Lorelai

  
Some Thoughts On Lorelai (a not!fic-let)  
Luke/Lorelai  
by Ktblle  
Rated PG-13

She has only ever had one nickname unless you count Mommy, or Mom, or  
her parents' favorite: Disappointment.

Her nickname, the one that has only ever been hers, is Lor.  
Christopher calls her Lor. They were Lor and Chris. Chris and Lor. Lor  
is the first part of her name and Chris was the first part of her  
life. Lor ends abruptly with an R. R is for Rory. The first part of  
Lorelai's life ended with Rory. Oddly enough, so did Chris.

Luke, sweet Luke, has only ever called her Lorelai. He says it with  
exasperation and appreciation and amusement and anger, and now, even  
love. But it is always Lorelai.

He told her the second night she slept in his bed that he had only  
known two Lorelais in his whole life-- she and her daughter-- and he  
was always amazed that that they could be so alike and yet so  
different from everyone else. They were not special because they were  
the Gilmore Girls. They were special because they were the Lorelai  
Girls. Or maybe he didn't say any of this at all, maybe he just said  
Lorelai, but she knew exactly what he meant. That one word-- Lorelai--  
it belongs to Luke and the millions of incarnations he sees in her.

So, if Lor was Chris's and Chris was the beginning of her life, and  
Lorelai is Luke's, is Luke her whole life?

Her brain is tired and her logic is logical. Perhaps when she has  
slept, it won't be.

~x~

Their first kiss, her eyes opened like she was Eve in the Garden. She  
knew Good and Evil. The Good was the sweet, sweet way his tongue slid  
against hers. The Evil was how many ways she knew to fuck things up,  
just like that. Strange how when you fall in love you instantly know  
how to break your lover in five words or less.

Lorelai did it in three.

She said, "I love you."

But only after he said, "I'm tired of everything, Lorelai."

He simply shook his head and walked out.

~x~

When she dreams, they aren't nightmares and they aren't fantasies. Her  
dreams are full of the mundane: the feel of the diner's mugs in her  
hands, the smell of his pillowcase right before laundry day, the way  
his finger slashes the air during one of his rants.

When she wakes, she feels neither sad nor happy, just normal. And she  
is relieved that she is not sad. And then she remembers she should be  
sad. That's when it hits her that he is gone and that's when she  
cries. She wishes she weren't such a disappointment.

~x~

Later, when she told the story, she glossed over the middle part so  
that it sounded like they left the tavern and went straight to bed.  
She knew Sookie would be too caught up in the details of the  
lovemaking and Rory would more interested in the date itself, so, she  
figured, if she told the story with just the right amount of vague  
enthusiasm perhaps she could distract them from the in-between. She  
was good at hedging.

The in-between was the part where he committed himself to their  
relationship and she knew, deep inside, she'd break his heart  
eventually. But she just couldn't stop herself from saying, "Luke?  
Take me to your place."

And once there, she just couldn't stop herself from pressing her body  
between his and the door as he fiddled with the keys. And she couldn't  
stop her traitorous hands from sneaking around his waist and tugging  
his shirt from his pants. And she couldn't stop her mouth from finding  
his and daring him to take her to bed.

And once they were in bed, she couldn't stop either of them from the  
things that happened next. And by that point? She didn't want to stop.

So she clung to him, and came for him, and then curled up beside him  
and slept. She gave him hope that night. She lied.

~x~

It was Lorelai who went to Chris's house that night but it was Lor who  
went to his bed. Strangely, when Luke found out, he was more angry  
that she'd gone at all, than he was that she had lain with another  
man.

Unpredictable one, that Luke.

~x~

Four months go by without a word and it's Rory who finally closes the  
gap. She stands before him and says honestly, "She'd rather live  
without you than love you forever."

He looks at her incredulously and she explains, "She can't fail me, no  
matter what she does, she will never be a disappointment to me. But  
you. . . she'd rather know she did it on purpose than wake up one day  
and see it on your face."

~x~

When the phone rings his blurry eyes just make out the 4:05 on his  
alarm clock. The words fire randomly through his brain: a car crash,  
ICU, Lorelai, Lorelai, Lorelai. . .

He is at the hospital in under twenty minutes. No one is there and he  
realizes he was her emergency contact. He calls her parents and they  
call Rory. Her parents get there in thirty minutes, Rory in an hour.

When she is finally rolled into the room he notices these things:  
forehead stitches, black eye, busted lip, broken wrist, bandaged leg.  
Her parents look at her and then go into the hall, her father to guard  
the door from who knows what and her mother to inquire about better  
sheets.

Rory sits by her bed, holding the unbroken hand. He stands there,  
somewhat arbitrarily, and waits. The waiting is long but the picture  
doesn't change.

When at last her eyelashes flutter open he expects her first words to  
be a joke in poor taste, a request for coffee, or Rory's name. He does  
not expect her to see him hovering in the corner and begin to cry.

He leaves the hospital when Emily and Richard do, but stays in his  
parked truck thinking about what Rory said. For the first time since  
he's met Lorelai, he feels sorry for her. She is still the same  
strong, independent, vibrant woman he's always been proud of, but now  
he sees her life for what it is: Four people show up at her bedside  
and only one of them stays.

The one who won't let her be a disappointment.

He realizes that while she's the one who failed them, he is the one  
who failed her. And that is something he cannot live with. He makes  
his way back to her room and finds the two of them asleep. Rory  
hunched over her mother's battered body, Lorelai's hand curled in her  
hair.

He pulls up a chair to the bed as quietly as he can and settles  
himself into it. He's not sure he's forgiven her, and he certainly  
hasn't forgotten. But he's damn sure he'll be by her side when she  
wakes up.  



End file.
